Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
