I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
