break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
