your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
