He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
