spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Come share oat with me in your robe
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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