All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
