Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
