Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
