Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
