If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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