Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
