It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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