time to smoke my breakfast
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize