remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
