If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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