went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
