dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
