That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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