I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
