how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize