you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
