Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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