What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
