It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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