what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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