I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
