We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
