Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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