New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
