is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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