I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
