I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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