and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
