So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
