he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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