tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
