Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
