Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
