I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
