i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
