we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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