Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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