im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
