i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
