I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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