how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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