onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the day after is always just damage control
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
