I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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