I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone signed my nipple.
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