If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
