Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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