You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
