I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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