Four minutes until I can fart!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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