I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
