11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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