I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
