I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
