and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
