saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
