I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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