You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
