i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
