Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
