dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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