Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
