I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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