Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
