Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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