He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
