i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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