I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize