It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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