I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
