She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
