I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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