you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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