our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize