everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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