didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
