i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
