lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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