history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Randomize
