just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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