I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
