she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He? As in you personified your dick?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
