SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
