he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
