She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
