did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
