She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
