If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The air was thick with penises
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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