I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
