Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize