I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
