Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
