The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
