lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
