The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
