I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
