It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
