His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
