Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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