Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
